This post should help blow off some steam.
I don’t like to talk about this often – about my parents’ ethnicity and language. My parents are of Tamilian ancestry and they speak the very rudimentary language of Tamil. If you are some lifestyle blogger who’s here to read something wonderful about some exotic, far-away land and its people, I’m sorry. You certainly would not want to be here.
There’s so much I wish I could tell you – or more honestly, want you to see because the things I’ve seen and experienced can only be believed through physical sight and are of such extraordinary magnitude that it only can do justice. This is one of those situations that some fine poets will not be able to adequately capture.
Some cultures are backward. Some people are disgusting. Some languages are inadequate. Some demographics only exist to rot!
I’m finding it unnecessarily hard to express these thoughts in the English language. These thoughts I’m referring to are indigenous to the mind of the local demographic, and while I don’t like to think of myself as one of them, I have fallen victim to their ways starting young. I believe the brain encodes memories and outside information in ways so they can be retrieved and easily reproduced in a certain language at a later time. Unfortunately for me, I was first exposed to the local language – and it only seemed reasonable. You learn to speak the language of the everyday folk. But this is not a post of my appalling excuse of a childhood, but one that diaries my current thoughts from the events of the day. I won’t however point to anybody or any particular instances but instead try to leave you with a picture of what it would have been like to be me – for a day, that is.
I am a straight male of nineteen years of South Indian ethnicity. I possess a very high IQ as determined previously by a registered psychiatrist and some kindergarten and middle school teachers. The ones from my high school hated me – and I hated them back equally so we were even on that. I have a witty sense of humor. I am very creative. I gave up my culture and religion several years ago for reasons you’d know if you were me. What happened to me giving you a picture of what it was like to be me?
Imagine being an ADHD individual with generalized anxiety with an overall lack of inhibitory neurotransmitters. That’s Shreyas! And now imagine being this person of immense ambition, and intellectual and physical energy walking among a civilization in political and scientific ruins. Imagine this person living among a folk where ignorance is glorified and who live off a sense of false entitlement given to them by a society that can be safely called as borderline retarded. Wait, what am I saying – what I meant to say was retarded. Up your arse with being politically correct – I’ve had it with that shit a long time back. Imagine this person being left with no other than to forcibly speak himself into the local language. A language of restricted vocabulary lacking any kind of linguistic sophistication. Sentences are only plain. You cannot make logical talk with a language of such. The language is ridiculed with logical failures – and counter-arguments presented in this language can exploit its lack of logical consistency. And this is often what most people who speak this language do. For my kind of IQ and an almost destructive need to express myself creatively, I chose English – a fine language. I chose the contemporary Judeo-Christian culture.
Over the years, I have developed a very profound sense of cultural isolation – and it only makes sense because of what we just saw with the guided visualization. I have found to disassociate myself. I would fantasize. I would not belong in the right places – in my body or in my surroundings. One form of isolation quickly leads to another especially in a society as such described – causing intellectual, emotional and social isolation very soon. In fact, I feel like they showed up almost simultaneously, not in some chronological order like I’ve stated. I need a proper analyst to study my case – who knows, maybe there’s something worthy of research in me.
I think I just wrote a small part of my biography there!